Self-Induced Dementia

Awkward conversations and silences

Confide in strangers to receive intimate closure

Arguments won to achieve pyrrhic victories

The stares and whispers, conjuring new emotions

The dances in sync with breath in sync with the feet, sudden death

Failures unspoken, tears overshadowed

Mile-length smiles and shouting for help amidst the laughter

Jackets and jumpers to escape chill insecurities

Fake accents and pseudo-intellectual stutter

Phony mastery of zen and rebellion against the teenage dream to impress

Infamous first impressions and famous last words

Handshakes over hugs and regret over shame

The awake and aware alchemist toying with sacrifices and summons

Sacrificing old faces, old memories, old self, to summon

Hope

Hope for better faces better memories, better self

Assuring mom of security, assuring dad of a focused path

Assuring brother of sobriety, assuring self its all worth

Wishing for a million mouths to spill a million thoughts

Chose silence in stagnation over the could-haves and would-have-beens

Desire to shout out to the world-

“I am strong but I need support”

“I am smart but there are things I need to be told”

“I am brave but I have nightmares I can’t wake up from”

“I am honest but I lie to hide away”

“I accept who I am but I want to change”

“I hold my own but I want to be noticed”

“THIS IS ME!”

Conscious of all, responsive and repulsed, Drink

To forget the conversations, dance in the dark, Drink

To forget the pretentious smile and insecurities, Drink

To forget the pseudo-intellectual rebellious stutter, Drink

To forget the first impressions and the last words, Drink

To forget choosing to live with regret over shame, Drink

To forget the old and find bliss in the nascent, Drink

To forget the million thoughts and confide in the unspoken, Drink

To forget the world needs to know who you are.

Choose the morning awkwardness over the night’s loneliness

Erase that phase, the blank pages in the diary

The empty carriage in the train, let derail

Sobriety couldn’t handle the senseless brave fool

Why other it?

It whimpers in sorrow, expects then complains

The awkward conversations and silences

Confiding in strangers for intimate closure

Live in the Self-Induced Dementia

Sobriety kills you slowly anyway