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Self-Induced Dementia

Awkward conversations and silences
Confide in strangers to receive intimate closure
Arguments won to achieve pyrrhic victories
The stares and whispers, conjuring new emotions
The dances in sync with breath in sync with the feet, sudden death
Failures unspoken, tears overshadowed
Mile-length smiles and shouting for help amidst the laughter
Jackets and jumpers to escape chill insecurities
Fake accents and pseudo-intellectual stutter
Phony mastery of zen and rebellion against the teenage dream to impress
Infamous first impressions and famous last words
Handshakes over hugs and regret over shame
The awake and aware alchemist toying with sacrifices and summons
Sacrificing old faces, old memories, old self, to summon
Hope
Hope for better faces better memories, better self
Assuring mom of security, assuring dad of a focused path
Assuring brother of sobriety, assuring self its all worth
Wishing for a million mouths to spill a million thoughts
Chose silence in stagnation over the could-haves and would-have-beens
Desire to shout out to the world-
“I am strong but I need support”
“I am smart but there are things I need to be told”
“I am brave but I have nightmares I can’t wake up from”
“I am honest but I lie to hide away”
“I accept who I am but I want to change”
“I hold my own but I want to be noticed”
“THIS IS ME!”

Conscious of all, responsive and repulsed, Drink
To forget the conversations, dance in the dark, Drink
To forget the pretentious smile and insecurities, Drink
To forget the pseudo-intellectual rebellious stutter, Drink
To forget the first impressions and the last words, Drink
To forget choosing to live with regret over shame, Drink
To forget the old and find bliss in the nascent, Drink
To forget the million thoughts and confide in the unspoken, Drink
To forget the world needs to know who you are.

Choose the morning awkwardness over the night’s loneliness
Erase that phase, the blank pages in the diary
The empty carriage in the train, let derail
Sobriety couldn’t handle the senseless brave fool
Why other it?
It whimpers in sorrow, expects then complains
The awkward conversations and silences
Confiding in strangers for intimate closure
Live in the Self-Induced Dementia
Sobriety kills you slowly anyway

Comments

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